Friday, January 19

someone called me a slut

someone called me a "slut".
this gave me time to think about everything i have been doing.
i am liberal, yes. however i cannot imagine myself being a "slut".
i am not a "slut"
however, that's what he told me.
he barely even knows me.
one day spent with him,
one second to judge me.
i am not a "slut"
criticism is just mean.. and plain dumb.
but he did.
criticize, label, classify and discriminate.
you're rude.
now i'm torn.

Thursday, October 19

i'm a bastard and i deserve to die.

"people like you make individuals like me all the more jaded and give this whole-gay-falling-in-and-out love all fucked up. thanks for messing with my mind"
and yeah.. i know i'm shit.. coz i feel so.. a fucking liar.. and i had to mess your life too.. i'm very sorry. no... sorry doesn't even pass for a wird that could let me be forgiven. i can never be forgiven for what i did.. i know i'm audacious.. and it's my fault.. i had to set everything right once and for all.. and feelings hurt isn't something that i can prevent.. it has alot to do in making everything right.

"you think i'm just someone who could play with?"
i never wanted to.. i never intended to..

"you could have been honest that you are dating others"
and i thought it would only hurt you if i did.. but now it's worse.. now i wonder, why i couldn't do such a simple task..

" i more than hate you right now"
hating me won't do the trick.. you could kill me if you ant to.. just so i can make it up to you.. but here's something i want to tell you.. i really liked you. i made every second count.. coz you weren't really there. i never had time that i could spend with you and you didn't too.

i had to think. i had to choose. my choice involved someone getting hurt because of my audacity, infidelity, and dishonesty.. it involved you.. but that was my dilemma... i couldn't go on lying so that i couldn't hurt you.. i had to do it..

i'm sorry.. i am shit.. i'm a bastard.. i'm the worst... and i'll change.. this i promise.. it's the only thing that i can do to make it up to you.. to be a better person..

i liked you. i never lied about that. but it just so happens that i've fallen for someone else.. and with that person.. i know i can do it..

we'll learn from this. i will. i'm sorry. i don;t need to be forgiven.. have a nice life..

*i'm a bastard.. now everyone can hate me. it's alright.. i deserve it..

Tuesday, September 26



there was never a "we."

you and me - that's what we were..
just two separate people who by fate, destiny, or whatever bullshit, crossed paths, faced life together, and for a while it was beautiful.
when it was time to step up, we chose to walk away from it all,
unscathed yes, yet empty because of the fact that neither was willing to fight.
so there was never a "we". but someday, when i'm brave enough, i'll let you know...
you were everything to me.

Sunday, September 10

a concurrent bisexual

took this test awhile back. hehe. :P

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality

According to my answers, it is likely that I identify as Concurrent bisexual (whatever that is) or equally,Homosexual with some heterosexuality.

Complete set of results

Concurrent bisexual: 4
Homosexual with some heterosexuality: 4
Heterosexual: 2
Heterosexual with some homosexuality: 2
Past heterosexual, currently homosexual: 2
Sequential bisexual: 2
Homosexual: 1
Past homosexual, currently heterosexual: 1
Asexual: 0

Information The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

Take the quiz

Thursday, September 7

rain rain go away

earlier this morning i went to school and got myself enrolled fro the 2nd term of school. upon lining up, this rain suddenly poured like there was no tomorrow and it went on for like an hour? or more.. so, being the vein god that i am i wauted til the rain stopped. when the rain stopped, i was like, "ayan wala ng ulan, pwede na ko pumunta s astarbucks." but when i was already at southgata, the main gate of my school something blew me over. BAHA SA VITO CRUZ! and i think it was already knee deep when i got there so i waited yet gain for the flood to subside.

anyway, i was supposed to meet my friend at starbucks that time. but unfortunately we didn't get to to that coz he was too tired too wake up. so when i called him up i just asked to cancel our little meeting. and then for some stroke of luck, i found my online buddy at school. haha. coincidence. nice. we didn't even plan for anything. it was like a let's-go-have-an-eyeballdate-sine-we're-already-here kind of thing. so there. we went to the office for awhile and sured the net then we went to rob manila. we saw the movie wicker man. wikerman=total what?? the movie was so boring i think i even fell asleep. so there. haay.

my mom bought me a yellow shirt with three cute monkeys printed on it from ukay². cute shirt! yey!

Wednesday, September 6

laying it all out

gaa. it's been forever since i last had something to post here. i've been to lazy to think of anything to write. sheesh. anyway, whatever, now that my boredom has totally taken its tol on me. i'ma gonna fight. haha. i'ma gonna fight. funny expression. if people question what has happened in the past few days. well here are a few minor details. i'ma lay it out for you.

i met ron. i met him in g4m a site for people like me. the guy is funny and all the more exciting to chat with. oh, and he is so damn cute too. you should read his blog coz he's is really good in writing. i dunno. there's something about the continuity of his posts that makes reading it more interesting. you won't get bored i tell you. ron's blog

here's a picture of ron. just to give you an idea
of what he really looks like. cute huh? :p

got my student's license. yeap, i have a student's license already. my mom said that i could get my non-pro license after one month. funny. i thought it was supposed to be three months. but i guess things have changed. man, the people there were so "mukang pagod". not only because the system was too shabby to even start with but because of the place was like a friggin desert. it was so hot, i think i even got dehydrated.

indefinite separation. i know this is private but who cares right? if they're gonna do it, i might as well tell the world. me? embarassed? no. i'm just sad. too sad. life is so unfair.. anyway, my parents' had the biggest fight of their lives, and so now the truth is unveiled. my dad no longer loves my mom like wise to my mom. i knew this was coming even before everything else happened. well, i have no more tears to cry out coz i've already been crying for two days straight. and now i must face what else is going to happen. so will this really be a separation? sigh..

g4m account deactivation. this happened just minutes ago. i could not log in to my most visited site. and when i found out why, it was because the g4m team thought that i was a minor. yes, they were right, i am a minor coz i'm only 17 but i'm turning 18 soon enough. man, it's just two months away. haay. sigh. i miss my g4m friends.

Saturday, August 26

a story. read it. very nice

i was bored so i was looking for something to read, unfortunately i already read all the books that i had so i just wen online. to look for something to read. haha. so i found this. got this form someone at g4m. here it goes.

Somewhere in Milaor, Camarines Sur, there lived a fourth grader boy who would follow this route to school everyday: He has to cross the rugged
plains and cross the dangerous highway where vehicles are recklessly driving to and from.

Once past this highway, the boy would take a short cut, passing by the Church every morning just to say Hi to God, and faithfully say his, "Magandang umaga po" in Bicol dialect. He was faithfully being watched by a Priest who was happy to find innocence so uplifting in the

"Kamusta, Andoy? Papasok ka na?"

"Opo padre ... "he would flash his innocent grin, the priest would be touched. He was so concerned that one day he talked to Andoy.

"From school...", he advised "Do not cross the highway, you can pass through the Church and I can accompany you to the other side of the
road...that way I can see that you are home safe...."

"Thank you father ... "
"Why don't you go home ... why do you stay in
this church right after school?"

"I just want to say 'Hi' to my friend, God," and the priest would leave the boy to spend time beside the altar, talking to himself, but the priest was hiding behind the altar to listen to what this boy has to say to his heavenly FATHER.

"You know my math exam was pretty bad today, but I did not cheat although my seatmate is bullying me for notes... I ate one cracker and drank my water, Itay had a bad season and all I can eat is this cracker.

Thank you for this! I saw a poor kitten who was hungry and I know how he feels so I gave my last cracker to him ... funny but I am not that hungry.
Look, this is my last pair of slippers ...I may have to walk barefoot next week, you see this is about to be broken... but it is least I am
still going to school.... Some say we will have a hard season this month, some of my classmates have already stopped going to school .... please help them get to school again, please God?

...Oh, you know, Inay hit me again, it is painful, but I know this pain will pass away, at least I still have a mother.... God, you want to see my
bruises? I know you can heal them.... Here... here and .... oh ...blood ...I guess you knew about this one huh? Please don't be mad at Inay, she is
just tired and she worries for the food in our table and my schooling that is why she hits us....Oh, I think I am in love ... there's this pretty girl in my class, her name is Anita ... do you think she will like me? Anyway, at least I know you will always like me, I don't have to be anybody just to please you, you are my very best friend! Hey your birthday is two days from now!!! Aren't you
excited? I am! Wait till you see, I have a gift for you ..... but it is a surprise! I hope you will like it! Oooops, I have to go ..." then he stood up and calls out, "Padre, padre, I am finished talking to my friend .... youcan accompany me to the other side of the road now"

This routine happens everyday. Andoy never fails. Father Agaton shares this every Sunday to the people in his church because he has not seen a very pure faith and trust in God, a very positive look at negative situations.

One Christmas day, Father Agaton was sick so he could not make it in the Church, he was sent to the hospital. The Church was left to 4 manangs who would chant the rosary in 1000 miles per hour, would not smile and would always find fault in what you do, they were also very well versed in cursing if you irritate them! They were kneeling, saying their kilometric rosary when Andoy, coming from his Christmas party,playfully dashed in.

"Hello God! I ......"

"P----!! (a curse) bata ka!! Alam mo nang may nagdadasal!! Alis!!"

Poor Andoy was so terrified, "Where's Father Agaton? He is supposed to help me cross the street ... and to be able to cross the street I will
have to pass by the back door of this church ...not only that, I have to greet Jesus. It is His birthday, I have a gift right here.... " Just as he was about to get the gift out of his shirt, the manang pulled
his shirt and threw him out of the church. "Susmaryosep!!! (does the sign of the cross fervently) Alis kang bata ka, kung hindi matatamaan ka!!!

So the boy had no choice but to cross the dangerous side of the road in front of the church. He crossed. A fast moving bus came in.

There was a blind curve. The boy was protecting his gift inside his shirt, so he was not looking. There was so little time. Andoy died on the spot. A lot of people crowded the poor boy, the body of a lifeless young boy ...

Suddenly, out of nowhere a tall man in a pure white shirt and pants, a face so mild and gentle, but with eyes full of tears... He came and carried
the boy in His arms. He was crying. Curious bystanders nudged the man in white, and asked,

"Excuse me sir, are you related to this child?

Do you know this child?"

The man in white, His face mourning and in agony, looked up and answered,

"He was my best friend .... " was all he said. He took the badly wrapped gift in the bloody chest of the lifeless boy, and placed it near His heart.

He stood up and carried the boy away and they both disappeared in sight.

The crowd was curious ...

On Christmas Eve, Father Agaton learned of the shocking news. He visited the house, and wanted to verify about the man in white. He consulted the
parents of Andoy.

"How did you know that your son died?"

"A man in white brought him here." sobbed the mother. "What did he say?" The father answered, "He did not say anything. He was mourning. We do not know him and yet he was very lonely about our son's death, as if he knew our son very well. But there was something peaceful and unexplainable about him. He gave me my son, and then he smiled peacefully. He brushed my son's hair away from his face and kissed him on his forehead, then he whispered something..."

"What did he say?"

"He said to my boy..." the father began, "Thank you for the gift ... I will see you soon ... you will be with me..." and the father of the boy continued, "and you know for a while, it felt so wonderful ... I cried, but I do not know why....all I know is I
cried tears of joy .... I could not explain it, Father, but when that man left, something peaceful came over me, I felt a deep sense

of love inside ... I could not explain the joy in my heart, I knew my boy is in heaven now but...tell me, Father, who is this man that my son talks to everyday in your church, you should know because you are always there ... except at the time of his death ......"Father Agaton suddenly felt the tears welling in his eyes, with

trembling knees, he murmurred, " ... He was talking to no one ..... but .. GOD...."

If you love this story, please. pass this on to your friends.

nice huh? i actually see my self in the boy. and yeah, don't believe those old people you see in churches. they're fo in fact the biggest sinners if ya ask me.